What defines me?

Over the past several years I have been met with the question, "What defines me?"

No one asked me that.  I didn't look for the question.  It happened upon me.  And it made me think.

When I look over the span of my life so far, there are many things that have defined me over the years.

In my childhood years, I was the little girl who was at every church function by herself, the girl down the block who could really scream when she was mad, the good student, the gullible sister, the baby of the family, a friend of my friend, Flicka.

In my high school years, it was being a child of an alcoholic, having a boyfriend, being a good student, my job in the bakery, youth group, my best friend, Jenn.

During college, it was my dark green corduroy pants, my wonderful network of friends, my obnoxious laugh, the fact that I don't cook, my car (a VW Fox), being a Young Life leader, my job in the bakery, whether or not I had a boyfriend, daisies, Pasta Roni...

Shortly after college, I was a wife, an elementary school teacher, a mourner--losing my grandpa, uncle, dad and stepdad all in the same year.

Late 20's, early 30's, I was mother to four kids, homeschool mom, a police officer's wife, a country girl, it was the fact that I DO cook and enjoy it, had many close friendships, a people pleaser.

Mid 30's to present, I've been misjudged, sued, called a liar, lived in real fear of losing my husband when a mentally ill person continually threatened his life, lost close relationships, drew closer to my husband and children than ever, trusted in new ways in God my Father who loves me more than I'll ever understand, walked roads both happy and sad with good friends, experienced once again that child-like faith that I did when I was that little girl who went to church by myself, resting and rejoicing in the love of my Father!!

These are the things that defined me, that made for a good day or a bad day.  That made me feel good about myself when things were 'good' and I was 'succeeding' and made me feel badly about myself when life was hard.

Enter the last few years.  God has revealed myself to me.  He has revealed what truly does define me.  All of these moments, things, and relationships played a part in my life, but He showed me that they don't define me. None of them matter when push comes to shove, because who I am is so much more than all of this.  I can wipe away the 'good' things that made me feel good about myself, sometimes even prideful, and I can wipe away the 'bad' things that brought me down.  Who I am is who God sees.  And He sees Christ, because Jesus died in my place and took my sin (that I don't have to carry anymore), and declared me righteous!!  Did you hear that?  I am righteous!!  Not by anything I have ever done, but because He made me righteous.  So I have nothing to boast in, (all the 'good' things about me) nor do I have to beat myself up anymore (all the 'bad' things about me)...  What others think of me doesn't define me.  What I think of myself doesn't define me.  Only what God requires of me matters, not what others expect of me!  Out of my JOY for Jesus making me righteous, it is my opportunity to bring glory to God.  Not because I have to, because I want to!  When I truly understand what He did for me I desire to honor Him with my life.  Not to please people.  Not to feel good about myself.

"If we base our worth solidly on the truths of God's Word, then our behavior will often reflect His love, grace and power.  But if we base our worth on our abilities or the fickle approval of others, then our behavior will reflect the insecurity, fear, and anger that come from such instability."  (from Search for Significance, by Robert S. McGee, p. 20)

I have lived much of my life gripped by others' opinions of me.  Afraid of what they might think, wanting to please them, insecure when I don't measure up.  But when I realize who I really am, really realize it.  Not just know it.  But live it.  When I can say with confidence that I am righteous because of Jesus and not beat myself up for my failures, I am free!

Not only am I righteous, but I am chosen, and holy, and dearly loved!!  My sin is forgiven and forgotten!!  I am acceptable to God!  He doesn't tolerate me, He accepts me, 100%!!  I am blameless and beyond reproach!!!  Not because I did anything to get that way, but because of JESUS!

So next time I am tempted to be prideful or beat myself up based on others' opinions, I will remember:

Because of Christ and His redemption,

I am deeply loved,

completely forgiven,

fully pleasing,

totally accepted,

and complete in Christ.

(from Search for Significance)

The goods and the bads...they don't make me.  They don't define me.  I'll wipe away the pride or insecurity and look to Jesus, and I'll remember that He made me righteous.  He is what defines me.  And I'll be free to be about my Father's business.