What I would say to younger me...

I was visiting with an older woman in our small group this evening.
She has no idea that her passing comment helped me breathe a little easier tonight.

We were looking at my stove, and I commented/apologized/pointed out that my stove was dirty.
She reminded me that soon enough my kids will be gone and I will be able to keep everything clean then...

It is so true...
They tell me this all the time.
The older women.
They tell me it will go so fast, so just enjoy it now.

Back when I had my first baby...
It will go by fast they say.
Then fourteen months later, I had my second baby.
Again.
Enjoy these days, they won't last forever.
Don't they remember??  I would think.
It may not last forever, but it sure feels like it is lasting forever...

Then my third and finally my fourth baby.
My oldest child was five and a half when my fourth baby was born!?!
And again.
I would hear them say it.
And I would want to scream out--HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT???  I am drowning here.
It IS lasting forever in my world...
Looking back, I wouldn't change a thing, except for my perspective.

I look back at all of the pressure I put on myself in those days.
Pressure to try to keep, no wait, get my house perfect, no wait, presentable.
I barely got through each day!
My laundry was always piled up.
My clutter grew all around me.
The pressure I put on myself to look like I had it together...
Oh the pressure.
I would beat myself up often.
Wanting to be "successful."

But tonight I heard it differently.
It was a tender love she showed me.
What I heard was, "It is okay and good to enjoy this time now.
All of this can wait."
I have heard that before.
I just didn't get it.
I felt defensive and inadequate.
Oh how I wish I had listened earlier.
Maybe it wouldn't have changed how I did things,
but it would have changed my load.
Lightened it a little.
Allowed me to stop and look at the daisies...
Enjoyed the little things more.
Like my kids.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed my kids.
But always nagging in the back of my head was the to do list waiting for me...

I have been thinking a lot lately about what I would say to younger me, if I could go back and do it over.

You know what I would say?
The same things the older women told me.
It goes fast. It won't last forever.
But I would also tell me that the crazy you feel in your head, that is normal.
You are going to be okay.
You are doing great.
Keep loving your husband.
Treasure your kids.
Listen to them.
Don't miss the little moments.
Write things down.  You won't remember them.  The funny things they say or do...
Treasure this time. Embrace it.
Embrace the clutter, the sticky chairs.
Embrace feeding time, bath time, bed time.
Sometimes that means falling into bed so exhausted
not knowing how you can possibly do this another day.

Sometimes it means just getting through each day...
then waking up again the next day.
If you wake up and get out of bed, GOOD for you!!
Sometimes that is the best we have...

What would I say to younger me?
Don't compare.
Don't compare your house, your parenting, your kids, your stuff.
Don't compare.
You are you.
God made you just so.
Embrace who He made you.
God did not make me a disciplined, organized, everything in its place person.
Embrace that.
My house will never be the "perfect" I imagine.
He gave me other gifts and qualities.
Not to be compared with others...
He made me me.
He gave me my husband and my kids, special for me.
The good times and the bad times.
Just for me.
Both equally beneficial.

What would I tell younger me?
Don't give up.
Remember your hope in Jesus.
Remember His love for you.
Rest in His love for you.
Pour out that love to your kids.
Your husband.
Find things that make you smile.  Do those things.

Yes, keep working on the laundry and try to keep the floor swept.
Yes, everyone needs to eat, so make sure there is food.
Yes, there are things to improve on...but don't lose sight of what is truly important.

Do what is best for your family.
Don't let other people's stars or dot stickers stick to you.
Remember your Maker and that He made you special.
He loves you.
Trust God's plan for your life.
What He thinks of you is what matters...not what others think of you.
And He doesn't care if your stove is dirty.